my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i've created a new STD.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
