We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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