So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
