I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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