No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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