I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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