i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
