i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
