I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
