we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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