I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
