ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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