We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
