So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
