is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
