If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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