apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
