Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
