nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
