4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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