This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
