did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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