She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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