I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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