dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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