Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
