Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
