I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
