My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
