in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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