he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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