she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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