you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
