you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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