Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
