Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
pray to the hookup gods
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
