I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize