She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
