it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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