i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
