i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
