i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
