i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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