O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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