People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
