i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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