He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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