I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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