Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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