he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
