I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
