there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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