My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
