we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
