addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
