its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just forgot I was standing up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
