i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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