I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
