Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
