You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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