dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
