I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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